Otherkin Lad (spencert) wrote in h_l_i,
Otherkin Lad

Revenge: Best Served with Casserole, by baby Spencert

baby Spencert

Well, hello! Being Seventh Day Adventist, I am incredulous of science, and fear the power of the occult, but it brings me great pleasure to have been summoned here from the past by reverend_runt to tell you a wonderful tale!

My family is very big in the Church. We often host Church potlucks, and everyone waits with baited breath for our next vacation slide show. We have so many friends, sometimes I just want them to go away and leave me in peace, the hangers-ons! I'd so much rather take a bubble bath than entertain a gaggle of ladies who don't wear jewelery or make up for fear of displeasing Our Lord. Ladies, I love Jesus, too, but a little concealer and a nice pair of earrings never damned anybody!

Anyway, one of these family friends who's just always around is Dave. Oh, Dave's a nice enough fellow I suppose. Perhaps I'm just cranky from breast milk withdrawal. Sue me! My mother often scolds me for refusing to try the casseroles Dave brings to the pot lucks, but they look dreadful, I'm telling you! Crispy noodles as a top crust I can understand, but shaved almonds?

Last Christmas, Dave gave us all Christmas gifts, which is appropriate. I'm not unappreciative! I was pleased to see the size of my gift, but upon tearing open the gay wrapping, I found a Tonka truck. And a dump truck, no less! Horror of horrors! Well, I knew immediately what I had to do. It doesn't take much of a tantrum to get my own way (I'm the youngest), so I just whipped up a few tears, wailed a bit, and maybe held my breath a skosh. How else do you think I got my Barbie palomino, honkies?

Well, you might think I'd have been satisfied, but that summer, when we were on a house boat vacation with Dave, I hadn't forgotten about that Tonka truck. So one night, when everyone was asleep, I feigned a night terror and climbed down into Dave's bunk. It was then that I let my bed wetting problem run its course. Oh, I'm sorry, Dave! Maybe next Christmas you'll remember that I like pretty presents like horses and the taboo of costume jewelery!
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